9 Positive Things
9 Positive Things to Help Cope with Divorce
Dealing with Divorce is never easy. The emotions are comparable to a death in the family. Unlike death, the only difference is your ex-spouse is very much alive and his presence continues to haunt you as you try to move forward. That’s why it’s imperative for you to take care of yourself. It’s okay to take several days off from work to mourn the loss of your marriage, and process everything. Many people probably feel like staying in bed for weeks or months. That’s counterproductive, unhealthy, and unrealistic, especially if you don’t have the finances. Fortunately, we have adult responsibilities and financial obligations to help get us out of the house. Here are a few simple steps you can take to help ease the pain and move forward with your life.
1) Pack it Away.First, pack up all wedding items like framed photos, albums, dishware, glasses, or gifts, etc., your spouse or others may have given you. Anything that reminds you of your spouse whether it’s a good memory or bad. Put everything in plastic bins and store them in the garage, a storage shed, or a closet, someplace you’re not likely to visit very often. Some people prefer to throw these items away but it’s completely up to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this, therefore just follow your gut. This task will be emotional whether you do it right away or wait a while. It’s better to do it sooner than to wait, otherwise, you’re constantly looking at the items for months before tending to them. Just rip the Band-Aid off quickly rather than slowly trying to pull it off your skin. Start your new life with a clean slate.
2) Organize and Donate Stuff to Charity. Another thing you can do is go through your closets and drawers, donate any clothing, shoes, purses, stuffed animals, etc. Anything you don’t wear anymore or items you don’t need that remind you of your spouse. Reorganize your closet and make room for new stuff and the new you. Get rid of your ex’s items he may have left behind. Either, give it back to him or donate whatever he doesn’t want. Go through all your holiday items. The last thing you want to do is to go through your Christmas ornaments or decorations at Christmas. The holidays are an emotional time to deal with being single. The last thing you need to do is add additional pain to that time of the year by sorting through personal items that remind you of a failed marriage. Unless, your divorce is around the holidays, then maybe wait for them to pass before sorting through your stuff. Again, this is a personal decision. If this job is too overwhelming for you to handle on your own, hire a professional organizer or have a qualified girlfriend help. Maybe, share a bottle of wine while you’re cleaning house. It will feel good to get rid of stuff that’s weighing you down.
3) Redecorate, Renovate, or Move.Redecorate your house or apartment! Nothing feels better than a change of scenery to put a new perspective on life. You don’t need to buy a new living room furniture or bedroom set to make a difference. It’s great if you can afford it but it’s unnecessary. Something as simple as getting new sheets, curtains, pillows, inspirational artwork, or scented candles is enough to put a smile on your face. Painting a room is also an inexpensive and easy way to make a nice change, especially if you pick a happy or soothing color. Even some Self-Adhesive Removable Wallpaper is a great way to change a room to make it cozy, especially if you live in an apartment and painting isn’t an option. Subtle changes like new lamps, or rearranging the furniture is enough to do the trick.
Hell, if you can afford it, donate everything his ass may have touched and get all new stuff. If you’re inclined, put on your hardhat and gut that kitchen or bathroom you never liked. It will feel good to do some demolition yourself. Hire a decorator who specializes in Feng Shui to point good energy in the right direction. Do whatever it takes to make your place unrecognizable of the past and look forward to the future. If you’re not interested in the first two options, then maybe moving is best. It’s up to you and your budget on what feels necessary to change and move forward. All I can say is, go for whatever makes you happy without making you go broke.
4) Save a life!If you don’t have any pets, or even if you do, go to your local animal shelter or pet rescue and adopt a pet. Besides many dogs and cats needing homes, many horses are up for adoption. There are many rescue groups who save these beautiful animals from slaughter. If you have the time, space, and finances, consider adopting a horse. You’ll make yourself feel better and your new friend will be grateful. Remember, your new family member is looking for a furever home, not just to be there for you as you get through a painful situation. Be sure to research what type of pet is best for you. Many pet rescues or animal shelters can match you up with the purrfect companion. If you’re not able to adopt a pet long-term, consider fostering for a few months. Fostering saves lives too!
5)Give something back. Maybe you love animals but adopting or fostering isn’t an option, however, you can volunteer your time or make a tax-deductible donation. If money is tight, or time is an issue, many shelters desperately need blankets, towels, pet food, toys, laundry detergent, and other cleaning supplies. During kitten season, many animal shelters need men’s button-down shirts. The volunteers use them as aprons while they bottle feed kittens. They change them often to prevent cross contamination. This is a good way of getting rid of your ex-husband’s shirts he may have left behind. Call your local shelter and ask what they may need. It might surprise you, that you already have those items lying around, anyway. If pets aren’t your thing, then volunteering for any charity is very rewarding for you and it helps the charity too.
6) Pamper Yourself.Plan a girl’s day or weekend with a friend or friends. This is the perfect opportunity to reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in a while and make some new friends too. Plan a spa day with some of your girlfriends and have your friends each invite a friend. Contact the spa in advance to make a reservation and ask them if they give group discounts or package deals. If all your friends agree to pre-pay in advance, they’re less likely to cancel and you might get a better deal. Usually, most spas, like Burke Williams, will invite you to spend the rest of the day enjoying their hot tub and sauna, while sipping on their gourmet water and eating fruit. The Lake Arrowhead Resort and Spa allows you to take advantage of their gym and spa for the entire day if you pay for just one treatment. They have excellent exercise classes for everyone to enjoy. Plan to have a group lunch or dinner and maybe see a movie in the evening. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s fun and relaxing.
7) Do something outrageous. Step out of your comfort zone and do something you’ve never done before! This is your time to shine. Maybe you’ve always wanted to travel to another country, but your ex was happy staying home, sitting on the couch, eating potato chips. Put that stamp in your blank passport by joining a travel club. A travel club is a great opportunity for you to travel by yourself but not be by yourself. You’ll meet new like-minded people, make new friends, and enjoy a beautiful foreign country at the same time. Maybe, go on a healthy yoga retreat, do a cleanse, or plan a vacation with one of your girlfriends. If traveling isn’t your cup of tea, you might just want to try something new. Maybe go bungee jumping, ski diving, rock climbing, mountain biking, kayaking, stand up paddle boarding, or train for a marathon. Heck, even one of those Paint Nights with wine sounds like fun or go to a comedy club and sit in the front row. Just make sure you take an Uber or Lyft if you’re drinking. You survived a divorce, you can do anything! Get out there and kick butt.
8) Have a divorce party.We celebrate holidays, graduations, birthdays, engagements, the birth of a baby, weddings, anniversaries, and sometimes the life of a person after he or she passes. Why not celebrate that you survived a divorce? Who cares what people think. No one knows the hell you’ve endured except for you. Invite everyone you know and people you’d like to know better, like hot single guys. Show up looking fabulous! Roll out the red carpet. This is your new day. You’ll discover who your true friends are and who supports you. You’ll only have to explain yourself once to everyone in the same room. Get a big cake and be the life of your own party. Show your ex you’ve moved on and you’re looking forward to the future.
9) Read self-help books.It’s now cool to read self-help books even though plenty of people were still reading them when it was considered uncool. This stuff really works! One of my favorites is You are a Badassby Jen Sincero. This book isn’t about overcoming a divorce, but it gives you steps to change your life for the better. I love Jen’s honest and entertaining, tell it like it is approach. In fact, I like this book so much, I also ordered, You are a BadassAudio CD by Jen Sincero. Now I listen to it in my car while I’m stuck in LA traffic and it helps to reiterate what I’ve already read. I also highly recommend, You Can Heal Your Heartby Louise L. Hay and David Kessler. This book discusses divorce and many other reasons you might be heartbroken now. These books have helped me tremendously but if they’re not exactly what you’re looking for, I suggest any book that calls out to you. You’ll know it when you feel it.